Oh gosh! This week has been tedious and hard. I have come to find that I sometimes have a really hard time expressing my concerns/feelings, for fear of hurting other peoples feelings etc., but I also admire/appreciate/try to embrace honesty and being straight forward with people, to which you can imagine the struggle I have between the two. This morning was especially hard, for I had a real internal struggle with myself in regards to Nursing. Let me explain, since Nursing has started, as of last week, we have already had three Nurse's that we have had to meet, greet and train, which has been good in a sense for now we have three back up Nurses, but it has also been hard, especially due to the roller coaster ride that all of this uncertainty, meshing of different personalities and having to go through the different training's for each Nurse, puts you, as a parent, through. For you need/welcome the help, but you also, are trying to do what is best for your child, in finding the right person for them. But only that, you ultimately are wanting to find someone of whom is responsible, knowledgeable, quick on their feet and who you can welcome into your home, who can become that "new" member of your family, because honestly, that is what they become or at least that is what they should become!
Now with that being said, two of the three Nurses we met this past week, were prefect matches, meaning they connected well with Payten and our family and fit most, if not all the other criteria. Unfortunately, the one Nurse that did not "fit" (in lack of a better term, due to not wanting to go into full detail of all the problems, etc.), so well with Payten or our family, was the only Nurse whose schedule/availability worked with ours and being that it was "that" Nurse, it was really hard to know what to do, for we do need the help and I really do not want to be the family that is difficult to please, but I also want to do right by my daughter and make sure her needs are top priority/met. Please do not misunderstand me, this Nurse was really kind and intelligent, rather one of the major problems was that she just lacked that motherly love and interaction, that I was looking for, for my Payten, hence the internal struggle I was having with myself in regards to doing what was best for my daughter and not hurting any one's feelings this morning.
Fortunately, after much thought, prayer and talking with a good friend and Joseph and some other family members, I decided to put all my fears and worries aside, step out of my comfort zone and call the company and tell them my feelings, etc. Surprisingly, it went better than expected, they asked if I would be willing to give them the opportunity to talk with this Nurse, explain what we needed/expected her to improve upon and see if things got better from there? I told them, Yes, that I was willing to give her a second chance. To which they were very happy and grateful to hear. Now, my question is, Am I being too nice, should I have not given her a second chance? I mean, there were other issues than just interacting with Payten, that bothered me, so should I have just given her the boot? I guess I am just a strong believer in giving someone the benefit of the doubt and allowing second chances, for everyone has a bad day every now and then, right?! Gosh!, this is so hard for me, I hate having to go through all of this, however, it is good for me, for I am learning to be more assertive, yet respectful/honest. It really is causing me to come out of my comfort zone and grow a little and I know that, that is truly the only way we can grow; therefore I suppose I need to be thankful for this experience, even if it is hard. I just wish that finding a good Nurse, that fit well with our family, etc. would be a much easier a task than it has been. Really?!, are we that hard to get along with or please?! Ahhhh! If only life could be easier at times! Hahaha! Honestly, if you are reading this and have any insight or wise words of encouragement, please, please feel free to comment! I would greatly appreciate any advice one might have in regards to this matter.
On a better note, 2014 seems to be shaping up to be a good year thus far. Things seem to be falling nicely into place for Payten and our trip to Utah. And after that trip, I am venturing out of my comfort zone again and relinquishing control and allowing Payten to go to Preschool. Oh goodness! I am so nervous and scared, yet excited. I truly believe this will be a good step for Payten and I am happy that she is getting this opportunity, even if it scares the crap out of me! So, on January 27th, I will have another child attending school! I just hope that are kind to her. Gosh, why is this year determined to see me grow?! It is good, it is good! If I keep repeating that, I might just believe it! Hahaha! Honestly, it could be worse, therefore I really have no complaints, for I am blessed beyond belief! Thanks for listening and as always, much love to you all and happy adventures!
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