Mindy Gledhill- All About Your Heart ( Nie version)

I am happy to annouce that Payten is doing much, much better! Everyday she seems to do more! But I am sad to say that this past weekend was a very emotional weekend. I don't know why, it just was! I seriously thought I was over the mourning/sadness part, regarding Payten and her disablities. This weekend, I realized that it will always be there. It is NEVER going to go away, but I do not have to dwell on the sadness. I can let the emotions out, as they come, for the moment there in, but I can not let it over power me and this weekend I allowed them to over power me.

I have learned that I have to choose to, either be sad or to look at the beauty. I want to choose the beauty! Sometimes though, I don't know how to do that. I guess I am still learning, maybe someday I will get it all figured out, but for now I will keep trying. I just want so badly for Payten to beable to express her personality to everyone she see's and she can't and that makes me sad to think about. I can see it in her, it shines through her eyes, she is everything beautiful, she has an amazing spirit and I do not think people always see it, but rather they see her disablity. I wish I could change that and I can't!

I believe the Lord works through other people because My Sister In Law sent me an email over the weekend that really opened my eyes. It was a mothers description/definition about what it is like to raise a child with special needs. She compared it to preparing for a fabulous trip to Italy, learning all you can about your destination, ect. Then when you reach your destination, it is not Italy you have been taken to, but rather Holland. Right then you have to change your plans, you have to learn a new language and get different instruction books, etc. At first you may be sad, but eventually you start to see the beauty that Holland has to offer. You soon realize that you have two choices, you can choose to live your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to go to Italy or choose to live your life enjoying what Holland has to offer. What a beautiful way of describing it, it truly is like that and I was blessed to have been able to read it.

This truly was inspiration on my Sister's part, it helped me realize that this weekend I made the wrong choice. I was not enjoying what Payten had to offer, but rather was mourning what she could not offer. Thank you Brianna for bringing me back to what is important and that is Payten and her beauty! Today, another friend helped me realize the beauty of my child, she posted a video of her daughter to the song entitled All About Your Heart. I have posted it above for all of you to enjoy. It is a deeply moving song that brought tears to my eyes thinking about how it pertained to Payten. This too brought me back to the important things, this too reminded me of what it is all about, this too helped me to see that no matter what, Payten is beautiful and if others don't see it, then they don't see it and that it is their loss not mine or hers.

I love the line in the song that says, "You are a Butterfly held captive, small and safe in your cocoon. Go on, take your time, time is said to heal all wounds".... This is Payten! Payten is truly a butterfly, who can not necessarily show all of her beauty, due to the fact that she is held captive by her disablities, but through and in her own time, she will break out from that small cacoon and be that amazing butterfly she is inside! I also love the line where it says, "In my imagination, you are a VanGo Painting".... because Payten is a VanGo painting, Perfect and Flawless in everyway!

I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven for showing me the beautiful blessings my life has! I am going to try, not always do, because I know I will fail at times; but I am going to try to look for the beauty Payten's life has to offer! I am the Lucky one to know her heart and if you are so fortunate enough to get to know her heart too, then you will understand what I mean and know how blessed you are! I am glad that she is doing better day by day and I hope we can keep going on this path of wellness!!!!! Also below I have posted a video of Payten during OT playing with blocks! Warning: It is full of CUTENESS! Enjoy!