Feeling blessed, Payten's surgeries went beautifully.

(Insert HUGE sigh of relief right here!) I am beyond exhausted and emotionally drained. I have forgotten what having a child in the hospital does to you both physically, mentally and emotionally. It has been six months or longer since the last time Payten was in the hospital, therefore I have forgotten the hell it puts you through. Thankfully we are over the BIG hump and hopefully it is smooth sailing from this point on (well as smooth sailing as it can be for Payten!). Payten had surgery today. As I explained in my previous post, Payten had her tracheotomy reinserted today, as well as a new permanent port place, for her old one was no longer functioning.

Here are some pictures from today,

 

 This one is of Payten right before surgery. Isn't she beautiful?! She looks like an absolute angel in this picture and the irony here is that her breathing right before surgery, while napping, was beyond perfect. And though it left Joseph and I questioning a little, whether we were making the right choice, we know that we made the right choice and that Payten did indeed need her trach reinserted.

 

 

This picture of our beautiful Payten is post surgery. Though she has tubes and wires and incisions everywhere, she is still absolute prefect and beautiful. I love this little girl and am so happy that she came out of surgery okay and stable. I am beyond thankful for modern technology and modern medicine, for these two things have played a HUGE role in keeping our daughter alive and living a quality life. Such a blessing all of it has been for her and us.

 



Though the circumstance of all of this was not ideal and the outcome was not exactly what we wanted it to be, I am feeling beyond blessed and at peace with the decisions that were made. I know that what the Doctors decided to do, was exactly what my daughter needed and as long as her best interest was put first, nothing else matters. However with that said, it does not make it easier on all of our emotions. I have found that during these times of despair, when we are seeing our daughters disease take it toll on her and progressively worsen, Joseph and I both lose a piece of ourselves that we have to work hard at rebuilding. It takes time to do, but the new found strength that we gain through all of these moments are worth the sorrow, despair and brokenness, for we end up better and we went in. So even though my heart was at peace because I ultimately knew that this was what was needed and best for my daughter, it still took a heavy toll on my heart and soul, breaking me to pieces. Pieces that I will have to put back together over time and hopefully during that time, those broken pieces will become stronger and less likely to break with the next hit that is headed our way in the future, if that makes any sense. These are the moments that help mold Joseph and I into better people, so as tired as they may be on us and as emotionally draining they make us and how ever much we detest these hospital stays, Joseph and I are grateful for the lessons learned and the strength gained in each visit/moment Payten puts us through.

Like I said, her surgery was today and it went beautifully. The Doctors said that the most difficult part to the whole procedure was trying to find an IV access on Payten, for her veins are so poor, they had to stick her 20 times, in order to find an IV sight. Thankfully she was under anesthesia while they poked her, but still it makes me sad that she had to be poked her 20 times and that she will be all bruised up because of it. This is why a functioning Port is so import for Payten, because the port insures automatic IV access, which is what this little girlie needs. So I am thankful we have that option and that they were able to find another location that worked for a new port placement. The first choice in veins for the new port, did not pan out when the surgeon tried it, therefore he had to go with option 2! He said that the ideal vein, was too weak and scarred to be able to use, therefore he he went with option number two, which had more risks involved if used, was still the better choice than anything else. The second vein worked beautifully and after surgery, they took an x-ray of her lungs to make sure there was no hole, and thankful they did not see a hole, which is one of the major risks factors when using that vein, so I am grateful for that. Once the port was place, they moved onto her tracheotomy, which went even better. The Doctor was hoping that he would not have to make a new incision in her neck, rather he wanted to try and use her preexisting stoma, which is what he was able to do. By dilating her stoma, Dr. Mancuso, was able to fit the trach right back into the opening of her neck without new incisions or complications, which means that she will have a very speedy and smooth healing time. But not only did he not have to make a new incision for her stoma, he also did not have to suture in the trach, due to where the port ended up having to be placed, so we have blessings all around. No the port placement was not the ideal location, but in all actuality it worked better for the tracheotomy! Can we say blessings?! Yeah! Quicker healing time and less days in the hospital, I'll take it!

I am beyond grateful for the power of prayer, for I believe that everything went as well as it did, because of prayer and the fact that so many people were praying in our daughters behalf. I believe prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have at our finger tips and that if we use it, miracles happen and that is what happened today. Surgeries are scary and there can be so many complications involved, but today, Payten's surgery went better than anyone expected and I know it was because of the prayers that were being said for our sweet Payten, so thank you to all of you, who prayed in her behalf today, your prayers were heard and they were answered and Payten was greatly blessed because of your faithfulness and love. Right now, Payten is still sedated. The Doctors are keeping her sedated, so that they can give her time to heal before she starts pulling everything out, such as the trach! They are also giving her morphine to control the pain and keep her comfortable, so you can imagine just how out of it she really is. Daddy will not leave her side! Since she got back from surgery, he has stood by her bed just watching over her and making sure everything is okay. He is such a good Dad, he loves his little girl so much and I am lucky to have him as my children's father. He would not even come home to sleep tonight, for he did not want to risk Payten  waking up and have no one there who she recognized. I wanted to stay, but he insisted that he be the one to stay. I think he secretly is worried that something might happen to her, but he is putting on a strong front and I love him for that. Seriously, these are the moments that make me love him more than I already do, for I see what a beautiful soul he has. I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

All in all today was a good day with many blessings. Yes, the trach is a blessing, for it enables our daughter to breathe. Our biggest sorrow in all of this is not the trach, but rather, what the trach symbolizes, which is regression and worsening of her brain atrophy, that is what is most upsetting to us. However, the trach does bring some sorrow too, for it means long and sleepless nights, more hospitalizations/illness, and a lot more intensive care involved with it, but you can't beat the pro which is her airway and Payten being able to breathe, for that out weighs any of the cons. Now that this is all over and Payten is finished with surgery and has her trach back, this Momma will now drop from exhaustion and sleep with a peaceful heart, knowing that my daughter is breathing easily again. I am so thankful for this sweet girl and the warrior she is. She teaches me everyday what it means to be strong and I do not know what I would do without her! I just want to say thank you again for all of your love, thoughts, support and prayers on Paytens behalf, it truly means the world to us to know that people care so much. We love you all and we hope you all have a good night. God bless!

Payten will be getting her trach put back in.

Today was an emotional day that took some unexpected turns that left me feeling discouraged, defeated and sad. I went to bed last night feeling good, knowing that we had a plan in place and that everything would workout and Payten would soon be back to her happy self. I  did not expect that the news that the Doctor delivered to me this morning would be the final result in all of these breathing complications. And yes, it will still workout, but not in the way we hoped for, which leaves us struggling with our emotions.

 As I was preparing to go to the hospital this morning, Dr. Mancuso called to discuss Payten. Right when I saw his name appear on my phone, my heart stopped, for I knew it was not going to be happy or good news he was going to deliver and unfortunately, my instinct was right, his news was not happy news. When I answered the phone , he asked if it was okay to discuss Payten and I said it was, which he then proceeded to tell me, that Payten had the worst night she has had since her hospital admission and that he felt that Payten was in need of her trach again. He went on to say that her airway has become weak again, due to some regression in Payten's muscle tone, therefore the trach was a necessary step in securing an open airway that would ensure comfortable breathing for Payten . Not only was this shocking news to me, it was also very hard to swallow news, for  it solidified to me that her brain disease is indeed worsening and that she is for sure regressing because of slow atrophy of her brain. I quickly realized that no matter how prepared I am for this type of news, I still will never fully be prepared for the harsh/devastating news that I will receive throughout my daughter's life, informing me that she is going backwards, rather than forwards. When he gave me the news, it was as though someone had punched me in the gut and I broke down uncontrollably sobbing. Dr. Mancuso kept apologizing, then he started to cry and said that the harsh reality of Payten and her complications are never easy to face and that he was truly sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

After I got off the phone, I knelt down at the side of my bed and sobbed. I kept saying to myself,  we were so close, we were so close, she was going to have her stoma closed, why?! Why did this have to happen?!  Then I thought how ironic it was that just a month or so ago, I cleaned everything out and got rid of all her trach supplies, saying goodbye and thinking I was closing that chapter to my life and now it is suddenly being reopened , like a unhealed wound. Never did I think I would take the news of this harsh reality so hard, for we are old pros at this trach thing and it does not scare me, like it did at the beginning and I knew it was a real possibility that she would need it again, but with all this knowledge still comes the grief and pain that your child is suffering and regressing. The trach is not why I am so upset, rather I am so very sad that my Payten is getting worse and that this solidifies that we are taking one step closer to losing this battle we are facing with our sweet daughter. As prepared as I am, I know that when the day comes that we have to finally say goodbye to her, it will feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest with only a few pieces placed back in it, for today gave me a small glimpse into how that will feel and there are no words to describe the pain, all I can say is I do not wish it upon my worst enemy, for it is a pain no one should have to face, yet so many do and to those who have gone through it, I am sorry, my heart goes out to you, for I have only had a glimpse of this grief and pain and that was unbearable enough, so I can only imagine what you have gone through and I am sorry.

I know this is what is best for my daughter, for every time I doubt, I have flashbacks of the first time Payten recieved her trach at two months of age and the smile she gave me that told me that I had done right by her and that I did what was needed for her to breath! As scary and hard as it is to go backwards right now, I know I will see that smile again on Monday and at that moment I will again know that I have done right by her and it will melt all the pain and fear away, which will leave me feeling at peace, for that is all I have ever wanted for her, comfort, happiness and quality of life.

On the brightside, at least we had six plus months to experience life without the trach , right?! At least we know we did all we could to help Payten through all of this and that we tried, though it failed, at least we tried! This just happens to be par for the course when it comes to Payten's life and as much as it sucks to go backwards, I have full trust in her doctors, that they are doing everything they can to best help Payten live a quality life. Though I am sad and filled with heartache, I still know God loves me and has not forsaken me, rather he has entrusted me with this task, that I am suppose to learn from. I know that once I fully cry and release all of these sorrows, fears and pains, I will be okay and be able to move forward, but I need some time. So until then, I need friends. I do not need advice or judgements regarding this matter, rather I need  listening ears, shoulders to cry on and people to just show love and understanding towards me through word and deed, because this is a hard moment in my life to face and I need support. So,  please understand that I may be sadder than usual, but that it will soon be okay and I will get back to smiling and happy thoughts. I love you all and appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Surgery will be on Monday, however I do not have a time, but will keep you posted. In the meantine, I ask that if you could keep Payten in your prayers, I would greatly appreciate it. Much love to you all and may you all have a blessed night.

Happy Halloween and finally an update on Payten!

First of all we would like to say, Happy Halloween to all you Witches, Ghouls and Goblins out there! We hope you had a fun and safe Halloween. As you can tell by the above picture, we had a festive and fun Halloween ourselves. Payten was a skeleton, Zachary was Anakin from Star Wars, Makenna was a sugar plum fairy, and Emmett was a Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates!

These past few days have been long and tedious, with very little reprieve. I feel like I am constantly in the Go, Go, Go mode and when I get home, which is between 10/11, all I want to do is crash, so I apologize for not updating as often as everyone wants. I do my best to update those who care to know, but please understand I am one person and I get tired, so there might be days, such as yesterday, where I just do not have the time or energy to update this blog. Life happens, so please bear with me!

Payten is still struggling with her breathing quite a bit and though we have done things here and there, we still have no definitive answers and our game plan is still uncertain in many ways. Yesterday, shortly after I got to the hospital, the Neurologists was there to discuss their ideas and plans for Payten. As we were talking, I expressed my concerns and thoughts, which one being that I questioned if her breathing issues were maybe caused by seizures that we were not aware of and she said that was a good question, one in which we should rule out. So, later that afternoon, Payten had a 16 hour EEG,

Bless her heart, this poor thing has a hard time staying still and therefore this EEG was torture for her. The Neurologist and I were worried that it would not even work, considering Payten's movement disorder and how difficult it is to keep her contained, fortunately, the odds were in our favor and Payten cooperated and the EEG went without a hitch. The results of the EEG did show seizure activity throughout the night, but the Neurologist said that it appeared that it did not seem to be during the times where she dipped in oxygen or went appnic, however she said that she would go back and read it thoroughly to make absolute sure that, that is the case. As for right now, her breathing complications while sleeping do not appear to be caused by seizures, which is both good and bad. It is good, because the seizures are not causing it, but it is bad, because now we are back to square one in questioning why these breathing issues are occurring. For now the plan on Neuro's end, is to stop her Onfi seizure medication and see if her respiratory complications improve. If there is improvement, then we will completely take her off that medication and discuss other options, but if her breathing remains the same, then we will put her back on the Onfi and hand it completely over to ENT/Pulmonology and let them figure out what the cause is.

Also, Payten had a dye study on the Permanent Port yesterday, which showed that there is a blood clot/fiber tissue, that is blocking the opening of the catheter. This confirms the fact that her Port is easy to flush, yet hard to get blood return on. The Doctors did try a medication called, TPA, that they infused into her Port over several hours and still it was unsuccessful at dissolving the clot, so late last night they infused it again over several hours and still nothing happened! Therefore our next step is to replace it, but we will not know if that will definitely be the plan, until we talk with the Surgeon, which will hopefully be tomorrow sometime. Payten is on the OR schedule Tuesday, for Port replacement, but depending on how her breathing is and what we decide after talking with all of her doctors, it may or may not happen. You see, Payten has a very complicated airway and the less we have to intubate her the better, therefore that is why the hesitancy on surgery, but if the Port is no longer functioning, at some point it will have to come out, for it runs a high risks of blood clots and infections, that is why we will be heavily weighing out our options. I will definitely let you know when and what we decide soon.

As for tomorrow, the game plan is, for Dr. Mancuso (ENT) and Dr. Panesar ( Pulmonology) to come in and do a bedside bronchoscopy. When? That is the million dollar question, we do not have a time, because the Doctors have not decided on a time, all we know is that it will be happening sometime tomorrow. This procedure will show the Doctors if and where the problem or problems in Payten airway reside and what they are going to do about it, if there is indeed a problem. For now, Payten is still on the OR schedule for Monday, however she will not be having her stoma closed, rather her name remains on the schedule just in case there is something they find in the bronchoscopy that needs surgery, they will be able to do it on Monday. Who knows, she might still get her stoma closed Monday, but until the Doctors know exactly what is happening in that airway of hers, it is a no go. Like I said, we have some answers and we have somewhat of a game plan, but it is still unknown exactly what all is going to happen and how long we will remain here in the hospital. I just pray that the madness ends soon, because I am in desperate need of a Zanix from all of this crazy stress!

All in all this hospitalization has been a very productive stay, getting a lot of things addressed and accomplished, however these things take time and therefore we are having to brush up on our patience skills. Today, was a kick back, chill kind of day. No procedures or test were done and no doctors, except for Neurology came in. It was kind of nice! Payten even got to get out of bed and take a stroll around the ICU unit,

I was able to capture this sweet moment while strolling the unit! This is Payten petting the therapy doggies, which were dressed as angry birds, it was totally cute and Payten loved every minute of it. Then later, she had some folks drop off a bag of Halloween goodies and she got to spend some time with her brothers and sister. Unfortunately, I was unable to capture a group photo of all of them, but I did capture this photo of Makenna, which is to die for,

 

this is of Makenna sitting in the window seal of Payten's room and it looks as though she is an angel watching over Payten, while in the hospital. It truly melted my heart and I had to capture the moment. Payten loves when they come and visit her, as do they.

This above picture is not of today, but rather it was taken yesterday, but I wanted to share it, for it shows Payten receiving a card from her sister Makenna. This just goes to show you all, how much Payten's siblings care for her and love to visit her in the hospital. These are the moments, where I am reminded that I have great kids! I am one lucky Momma, that is for sure!

Before the kids and I left the hospital to meet up with Aunt Laura and Uncle Mike for trick or treating, we stopped by another hospital room in the ICU, to visit one of Payten's/our friends, her name is Alyssa and we adore her, (especially Makenna!)

It was a great way to end our night at the hospital and I know it made Alyssa's night that much more special! These are the moments that I know my kids are learning what it means to care for another person and show love and compassion and if it were not for Payten, we would have never had these opportunities handed to us! What lucky people we are to know Payten and Alyssa and have them in our lives.

Though this has been a long and hard hospitalization, I know I am blessed and that I have a beautiful life that I am beyond grateful for. We are so lucky to have modern medicine that helps us to find ways of knowing and helping our sweet Payter Tater. Even though being in the hospital sucks, I am grateful we are here getting much needed things addressed. Thank you all for your love and support and we hope you have a good night.

Payten is still in the hospital, still no solid answers and I am beyond spent!

This picture pretty much sums up how I feel during the times Payten is in the hospital. I am surprised I have not been admitted to a loony bin! But in all seriousness, I am beyond exhausted and emotional, two things that do not mix well together. And the eery silence and emptiness of our home, that comes with Payten's absence, does not help either. This morning it hit me strong, that one day this empty, silent, lonely feeling that Payten's absence leaves inside of me and our home, will be a permanent thing one day in the near future and it will be a feeling that over time I will have to grow accustom to and what the journey will involve. Then I walked into the kitchen and saw her medicine syringes on the counter and I burst into tears, realizing that however mundane and tedious this task of administering medications morning and night may be, as well doing the everyday care of Payten, has become a HUGE part of my life that will be hard to let go and leave behind. After I had a good cry, I was brought back to reality and realized that Payten is still with us and I need to focus on the now, instead of the future and as hard as that may be at time,  that is definitely what I am going to do as of now!

This hospitalization has been odd from the start, for usually Payten goes in with some sort of illness, but this time around, it was not due to illness, but rather breathing complications. Therefore, we have no clue of what the game plan is our daughter until we talk with her doctors/specialists, which as of yet has still not happened . I believe her specialist (ENT, Neurology and Pulmonology) have already sat down together and talked, but I would have liked to have been involved in that conversation and helped determine what we all thought was best for my daughter. I believe right now the plan is, to play around with her seizure medications and see if any improvements happen during these adjustments. If nothing changes, then that will be when we look at our other options, which are, surgery's to open up her airway. Which could mean, removal of tonsils and adenoids, cutting away tissue in the neck that blocks the airway, etc. How long will all of this will take? I have no clue. I guess we will have to wait and see what happens and how long it takes the Doctor's to figure things out and get Payten's body to cooperate. As for now her breathing has improved some, however she is still having strider breathing, appnic episodes, oxygen requirements, suctioning needs, etc. therefore, until these issues are figured out and handled we will be stuck here in the hospital.

Payten's surgery this is scheduled for next week, will it or will it not happen, that is the question? As for now, my guess would be that it is on hold until these breathing issues are cleared, but I have not officially spoken with her Doctor, therefore it could still be a go on Monday. Hopefully I will see the Doctor between now and then, to figure out what his plans are in regards to this surgery.

Not only is Payten having breathing complications, she also is having complications with her Power Port. Today, we found out that Payten's port is indeed not functioning properly. So the plan for that is for her to have a dye study done tomorrow to see if we can do something to fix the problems with the port or to determine if it needs to be removed. If it does need to be removed, then the next decision Joseph and I will have, is to decide whether or not we place another port in her body. The hard part about it is that there are only so many sights a port can be placed in the body and with each placement, there runs the risk of it malfunction more than the last port did. So we have a lot to consider and contemplate. They said they would put her on the OR schedule for next Tuesday. The Surgeon is hoping that Payten will still be intubated from Mondays surgery (if that even happens!), so that she only has to be intubated once, because with Payten's airway, we do not want multiple intubations. The surgeon said he would talk to the ENT about it and get back to us. So, again you can see we are still in the dark as to what is happening for sure with our sweet Payter Tater!

No wonder I had a mini melt down when I got home! Today was hard, this week was hard and the not knowing makes it even harder! Today, Payten was extremely irritable and sad, crying or screaming most of the day. I want to chalk it up to boredom, but honestly I have no clue as to why she is in so much discomfort. I feel so helpless in regards to her and her needs. I want desperately to help her or take this away from her and I can't. That is probably the most frustrating/emotional part about this situation. It truly leaves me left feeling, exhausted, tired and sick. I can't sleep, for my mind is constantly racing with thoughts and decisions that need to be made. I cry or laugh over the simplest of things, because I am beyond exhausted and I have three other kids to take care of. I seriously feel like a juggler, juggling all these different tasks.

Tonight when I got home, I wanted to take a hot shower and relax, but no, I had dinner to get for the kids and homework to help with, as well as a costume to make for Doctor Who day in Zach's class tomorrow! Thankfully Zachary has a great imagination and is old enough to do it himself! Here is what he came up with,

Pretty awesome Dalek if I do say so myself!

 

After homework was finished and kids finally got to bed, I just sat down and had a nice big cry! I am one person, therefore, I pray that my Heavenly Father gives me the strength to withstand the storms of tomorrow and that he will give me a peaceful mind tonight, so that I can get the much needed rest my body is so desperately craving. Thank you to all who have been praying for our sweet daughter and our family, I know your prayers are working and we can feel them and we are grateful for them. I hope you have a restful sleep and a good day tomorrow. Much love and goodnight!

Payten was admitted to the ICU this evening for respiratory distress

Today was the children's primary program at church, therefore Joseph and I both wanted to be to see the kids say their part and sing. Even though Payten was still struggling, we felt it was manageable, so we took her to Church, where we quickly found out that her complications were not manageable. She went into respiratory distress, to the point we could not get her oxygen levels to up even with extra oxygen support. Once the program was over we got the kids and took them to their Grandma's house, while we took Payten to the hospital. The Emergency Department got us back without a wait and when the Doctor came in, he asked us a few questions, then said he was admitting her and would go find a bed for her in the PICU. After this he gave orders to the nurses to get x-rays and cultures done. Now, this is very unusual for the doctor to admit a patient and then give orders, typically they want a diagnosis or to find something wrong before they decide to admit. Not sure if he just took our word for it or if he saw something seriously wrong, either way she needs to be there and I am glad it went so smoothly. I pray that she shows them the distress she has been showing us during her sleep times and that we can figure out what is causing the distress. The doctor said Payten needed to stabilize before she can have a bronchoscopy done, but that he felt it was a much needed procedure, therefore it would preformed once she was a little more stable. Please pray for our sweet daughter, so we can find answers and the relief she desperately needs. Thx and have a great night.

A short update on Payten and her breathing.

Today was a not so good, very bad day, in regards to Payten and her health. I had planned on going to Zachary and Makenna's school Halloween Mercado this morning, but plans quickly changed when Payten would not wake up. Don't get me wrong, she was not in a coma , but she was a listless, rag doll with absolutely no energy. Why? No clue. Is it from her breathing struggles or is it something else? Fortunately, I did get to speak to the Pulmonologist and I was right about the no phone call meaning there was no real finding/worry. However we still talked about what was going and how Payten was acting and the plan as of now is, to monitor her closely over the weekend, if she has more complications, then we take her into the hospital, if she has no worsening complications, but still is not better by Monday, then I am suppose to call his office, let him know and we will schedule a bronchoscopy to see if there really is a problem obstructing her and truly determine what might be the cause of all of her breathing troubles.

 My heart hurts right now for her. A part of me wishes we would have left her airway alone and kept the trach in, but then if we would have done that, we would still be questioning whether or not she really needed the trach and probably, still be struggling with her constantly pulling it out. So I guess it is better to have tried and failed, than not to try and always wonder. I am not saying that she is going to be canulated again, meaning having her trach put back in, but it is a real possibility and right now the odds are not looking to be in her favor. With that being said, Payten has surprised us in past, so honestly I am in complete darkness until a decision is actually made. I just want my daughter to breathe comfortably again, therefore I will do whatever it takes to get there. Waiting is not my forte, I want to have her scoped now, not later, but the Doctor is hoping that by giving her a little more time on the steroids, she will turn around and I understand where he is coming from, for sometimes it get worse before it gets better. Therefore I have to remain patient and hopeful that we are doing what is right for her.

Not only did she struggle with her breathing and awaking up today, but she also struggled with seizures too. For the short time Payten was awake today, she had four seizures in a row, which leaves me questioning if she is sick and that is what is creating the havoc on her body and causing all the complications. However, the million dollar question is, what is she sick with?! This is what is so frustrating when it comes to Payten and her health, the always wondering and not knowing. I have a favor to ask of you, if you pray, please pray for Payten, she is really struggling and could use those prayers, thank you in advance! Now before I go, I want to share a moment a sweetness with you, today, instead of  Zachary being upset that we were unable to make it to his Mercado, he jumps in the car, with a smile on his face and says, I know you were not at the Mercado because Payten is not well. That is why, I found a prize she would love, clapper hands. I thought maybe that would help cheer her up and make her feel better and better it did! She loved them!  Seriously, he is the best big brother and I could not be more pleased with his choices and demeanor. I know it is going to be a long and stressful weekend, but I am hopeful things will start looking up again for Payten and we will soon start to see some relief from all of these troubles. I pray you all have a blessed weekend and good night. Thank you for the love you have for my sweet Payten, I know she feels it and I greatly appreciate it.

Pure Randomness

Today was a pretty typical day in the Merrill house, nothing special! I ran around the house, jumping from cleaning to entertaining my little cuties, to cleaning, to entertaining! With a toddler and a Payten, things can get SUPER messy, so this Mommas job is never ending, as are all Mommas jobs out there. I went from singing songs, to reading books, to playing monster, then I got up to clean something and as soon as I walk back in the room, I that pretzels are spread all over the family room floor. Emmett decided he wanted some pretzels so he got the bag of pretzels out and Payten, being the lover of the crinkle sounds that bags make, she grabbed the bag from Emmett, hence the pretzels everywhere. Once I got that mess cleaned up, a little bit of my OCD side kicked in and I decided to clean the microfiber rocking chair that is in our family room. So I grabbed my trusty iPhone and got on Pinterest, pulled up my, NOW THAT'S CLEAN!, board and found the pin on how to clean Micro fiber and it worked! Seriously, it is a miracle that this chair looks as clean as it does. I do not have the blog that it came from, sorry, but the pin/blog said to take Windex, (which seriously, if I dubbed a cleaner my BFF, it would be Windex, I love it that much!) and a scrub brush and go to town, that's it, and believe me, it worked wonders!

Except that I have a two year old, that kept coming up behind me and pouring water on the chair, right after I walked away to let it dry. This went on about five times in a row, therefore I kept having to clean the chair, over and over again to try and keep the water from staining. Unfortunately, you can still see some water stains from Emmett today, but it still looks way better than it did. So thank you to the gal who blogged about her miracle microfiber cleaner, you put a smile on this OCD, Mommas face! I just wish there was a pin on what to do with your toddler, when you want to kill him for wrecking you nicely cleaned upholstery! Wait, there probably is! I will have to look that up! Hahaha! Thankfully for Emmett's sake, I am a patient woman and he is super cute, so I just let it go, with a firm No and that was about it. Boy does he gets off easy!

After I got finished with my Mommy chores and Emmett and Payten were napping, I sat down to figure out what the heck I was going to do for Makenna's Halloween costume, that she needed for tomorrows Halloween Mercado at school. She decided to be a kitty cat and honestly I had no clue what to do, all I knew was that I had no money to spend, therefore I needed to get creative. So again I grabbed my trusty iPhone and started looking through facebook and pinterest to get my creative juices flowing. Finally I came across a post on facebook by Cute Girl Hairstyles, which was a tutorial on how to do Halloween Cat Ears using your hair. Seriously, how brilliant is that?! Then the light bulb went off and I realized, all I needed to do is have her wear her dance outfit, do her hair like this tutorial said to and walla, we have a costume,

How cute is this?! I think this is pretty darn awesome for a last minute costume! And let me just say, if I can do Makenna's hair like this, anyone can do their child's hair like this, for I am not your crafty, nimble finger's type of gal. Rather I am quite challenged when it comes to this type of stuff, that is why I am bragging right now, for everyone deserves a moment to brag and since my creative moments aren't typically successful, I have to take my bragging chance whenever I can! So I am taking it and I am patting myself on the back right now, as we speak! She makes an adorable kitty cat if I do say so myself. I am just thankful that we have social networking that I can get on and see other peoples creativity and copy it! Makes me happy, as well as relieved that I finally have a costume for Makenna. Phew!

After I figured the costume out, it was time to go and get the kids from school and today is Joseph's late day at work, which happens to fall on Makenna's dance class day, therefore I am stuck in the car for a little over an hour, chaperoning and waiting, with four kids. Crazy is right?! So you now know, Thursday afternoons are not my favorite, but today was pretty fun. While we were sitting, waiting for Makenna to get done with dance, Zachary informs me that he now wants to be a Sports Announcer. I asked him where he got that idea from and he proceeds to tell me that he has been dubbed the kickball announcer at recess. He still plays kickball, but he announces while he is playing. I asked him what he says and here is one of his commentary moments from recess kickball, "Here is so and so, coming up to the plate, looking tired, but fierce, ready to kick that ball out of the park, and she kicks, oh boy folks, she pulled a Charley Brown! Shake it off, Shake it off, you got this! Brush it off and try again, for that is what Charley Brown would do." I was barrel laughing, I do not know where he comes up with this stuff. She pulled a Charley Brown?! This kid seriously kills me! He may not have a future in sports and he probably will not have a future in sports announcing, but stand up comedy, heck yeah! This kid could be our next Bill Cosby or Kevin James. He is hilarious. May be his Occupational Therapist was right, he will  have a side job in IMPROV or Comedy. I need to really look into getting him into some classes, because he loves drama and being center of attention, while making people laugh and we need to unleash his natural talent now while he is young.

Even though my day was successful and filled with some laughter, I am still frustrated, because Payten's doctor has not called us. I guess I will be calling him in the morning to find out what the films showed. Maybe him not calling today is a good sign, meaning there is nothing seriously wrong, but still I would like to hear him tell me that, not leave me hanging. Because this Momma is worried and having nightmares about it. I need to remain calm, I know, but it is hard when you watch your child struggle so badly trying to breathe. My biggest fear since Payten was born, is that I will wake up and find her dead and this breathing issue makes that fear that much stronger, hence the nightmares. I just hope that I can talk to the Doctor soon and have some answers as to what they think is going on, for there is something wrong and nothing is seeming to help as of right now. I just want relief for my daughter, which will then give me peace of mind. Before I go, I want to thank those who have prayed and are still praying for Payten, your prayers mean the world to us and are much needed, so again thank you for that. Good night and sleep tight! Much love from our family to yours.