School has now been back in session for a couple of weeks and with that comes the end of summer, which brings bitter sweet feelings. I think my daughter Makenna said it best, "Ugh! Why can't it still be summer! I never see you or Dad anymore, cause this School thing gets in the way!" Yes Makenna, yes it does! Unfortunately, school does get in the way of family time and therefore we have to be more creative with our time, so that we still are able to have quality family time, despite school and other obligations. Though Makenna is right about Summer being awesome and fun with all the time we get to spend together, she forgets that school is a necessary part of life and it brings good things with it too, such as structure, routine, and learning! Now, two of these three things I mentioned are what makes the end of Summer, beginning of School so appealing to me, routine and structure! My OCD side of me screams for routine and structure, and that, my friends, is why I say with the end of Summer and the start of School brings mixed emotions, for I do miss all the time as a family, but I love the routine and structure that comes with the School year!
But with that said, I am truly sad for this particular Summer to be over. The Summer of 2013 will always be a special summer I believe for our entire family. This was the summer we were able to take a family vacation. Now some of you may think, really?! Isn't that what everyone does during the summer, family vacations?! Though, you are right, a lot of families do spend their summers vacationing, but for our family it was the first vacation in seven years and so that is why it is such a big deal and will be a Summer to remember!
This was a much needed trip for everyone, especially Payten. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone deserved this vacation, for it was long over due, but I say especially Payten, because her life is an hour glass of time, that is ticking away, with no real idea of when the sand will run out and the clock will stop. So we felt an urgent need to take this time to go on vacation, because the hour is close at hand and we did not want to say goodbye, feeling as though we had a "bucket list" of things that we never accomplished with our sweet Payter Tater. Though, that was one of the major factors behind this vacation, it was not the only factor. We also wanted to show our other children our appreciation for them by taking them on a fun filled adventure/vacation.
I don't think anyone can fully comprehend the sacrifice that is involved on everyone when there is a special needs child in the family. Our children have had to sacrifice so much, in order to allow Joseph and I the time that is needed in caring for our sweet Payten. Zachary and Makenna have had to sacrifice so much in their short lives. Such as, having to let go of the idea of having their Mom volunteer in their classrooms or go on field trips with them, etc. They have had to sacrifice extra-curricular activities, so that Payten could have the necessary therapies and other appointments that she needs to help better her life. They have had to sacrifice play dates and birthday parties, etc. in order to accommodate Payten and her needs and with all this sacrifice has come very little, if any, complaints on their end. They have been such troopers through all of this. They are so caring and understanding towards it all. I remember when Zachary was in kindergarten and they were having a field and he said to me, "Mom, I really wish that you could go with me, but I know Payten needs you more and therefore I understand and know that no matter what, you love me and that if things were different you would be there, but right now Payten needs you more than I do." This coming from a 5 yr. old's mouth, is incomprehensible, but it is true. These words have had to come out of my children's mouths more often than you think and though it is heart breaking at times to hear, it is also heartwarming to know deep down that your children are so understanding and forgiving and confident in the knowledge that you love them. Joseph and I have been truly blessed with some awesome kids and therefore we wanted to give back to them some of the sacrifices they have given to us. This trip was truly a blessing for all involved.
It took a lot of effort on Joseph and Mines part and a lot of prayer. I worried up until the day we left, that somehow we would have to cancel the trip and break hearts, due to something going wrong, such as Payten being sick or car troubles, etc. I remember trying to get the kids excited for the trip and Zachary saying, "Makenna, don't get your hopes too high, it may not happen, we don't know that it is a sure thing until we get there." Now that statement is the story of our lives, we mean well in planning fun things to do, but many a times they are sacrificed due to the needs of Payten, whether it be illness or hospitalizations, many a times have we had to cancel a fun outing because of these things. And though I am accustom to this, it was still heart wrenching to hear these words leave my ten year old's mouth. So, after hearing him say that, it made this trip that much more of a priority then ever before and my prayers became that much more demanding in my pleads that everything would fall into place and that Payten would be well. And let me just say, my prayers were heard, everything fell into place perfectly and Payten was the healthiest she has been in awhile. This vacation was truly a gift from God.
We had such a great time! First we went to San Diego and stayed with Joseph's sister, Rebecca, in her lovely guest house. It was luxury living at it's best! It felt like our home away from home. We are truly grateful for their hospitality in letting us stay there. It was so fun for the kids to see their cousin's and play with them. The highlight of San Diego, was Coronado Island and it beach! The kid's loved the beach there! They had so much fun running and playing in the water, as well as building sandcastles in the sand. Payten loved the breezed and sunshine, she also loved the feel of the sand between her toes and the cool ocean water, that she was able to stand in. It truly was a dream come true. I remember as kid, loving the beach! I remember going with friends and family and playing in the water and building sandcastles, while around a bonn fire. I remember the joy it brought me, as well as the serenity and peace it brought my soul and I wanted to give those same memories and feelings to my kids, especially my Payten. Why Payten, because, Payten can not live on her own, Payten needs everything done for her and part of that is living. I don't mean just eating and breathing, I mean truly living and living life to the fullest! When I think of Payten, I think of the song, I hope you dance, by Lee Ann Womack, which goes like this,
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger, May you never take one single breath for granted, God forbid love ever leave you empty handed, I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you Dance....I hope you Dance. I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, Never settle for the path of least resistance, Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin', Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin', Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to sellin' out reconsider, Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance.....I hope you dance.
Now this song is not necessarily for Payten, but rather it is for me! It helps me to remember that I am Payten's voice, her hands, her feet, her everything and I will dance for her! I will never have her sit out, I will always help her dance! And that is why it was especially important for me to have her experience the beach and all of it's wonders, because it will not be her fault if she does not see all that this life has to offer, but rather it will be my fault as her mother and I do not want to live with regrets after this sweet child leaves my arms, rather I want a heart filled with memories of the times she danced! And Payten dipping her feet in the Ocean, while her Daddy held her up will be a forever memory of a time when Payten danced!
Not only did we see the beach in San Diego, but we went to the Zoo while we were there too. That was an adventure in itself. Have you ever been to the San Diego Zoo? Well, if you have, then you know the hills throughout, which are not a big deal, until you are pushing a wheel chair that weighs 80lbs. and a child in it that adds another 40lbs and then another child hitching a ride on it that adds another 50lbs and a couple bags filled with diapers and food, etc. probably adding an additional 10lbs, up the massive hills, then it becomes HELL! LOL! Seriously, it was extremely difficult pushing Payten throughout the Zoo, but again it was worth every minute of memories made. We loved all the animals and shows that we were able to see there. It truly added to the experience of our vacation.
After we spent 5 days in San Diego, we set off for more fun filled adventures at the Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland! Before I go any further in our experiences at Disneyland, I need to say thank you to my Mother and Father, for if it were not for their help, we would not have gone to Disneyland and been able to make the memories that we were able to make there, so to them we say thank you. Disneyland by far was the funniest part of the vacation, but why wouldn't it be, after all it is the Happiest Place on Earth?! We were able to receive the total Disney experience by staying at the California Grand Hotel and Resort which is a Disneyland Park Hotel and by ordering the Disneyland dining package, which included character breakfasts and lunches. Which in my opinion, was worth every penny! We loved the character dining, it was Emmett's favorite part of the whole trip! Food and cartoon character's, two of his favorite things! Payten loved it too, not the food, but she loved seeing and interacting with all the Characters, it was truly priceless to see.
Not only did we stay at a super nice hotel and get an awesome dining package, but because of Payten's health and physical needs, we were able to receive special accommodations and were given what is called the "Green Light" pass, which we were told is what they give to Make A Wish kids and with that pass we were able to go to the front of the line on every ride and we were given the chance to ride it again if we desired to do so. It was a Dream come true if I say so myself! My kids were in absolute heaven! We were able to ride every single ride at Disneyland and California Adventure at least once, if not more! Examples being, Zach road Star Tours 8 times and we rode Pirates 3 times and Winnie the Pooh 6 and the list goes on and on! Some of the favorites were, Star Tours, Space Mountain, Matterhorn (sp), Splash Mountain, Indiana Jones, Tea Cups, Pirates of the Caribbean, Soaring Over California, Cars Land, Grizzly Mountain and much more! Payten's favorites consisted of, Finding Nemo Submarine ride, Winnie the Pooh, Cars land racers, Monsters Inc., Ariel's under the sea adventure, Toy story Mania, It's a Small World, and so much more! It truly was a blast to watch my kids faces light up as they ran around with no care in the world, but what ride they would do next! It truly was a blessed 5 days of carefree wonder and if I could we would do it Monthly! But I'll take every seven years if that is all we can get! This trip helped put back a sense of joy and laughter that we had forgotten and rejuvenated our souls and I could not help but write it down so that if I ever do start to forget, I can come back and read about it.
This indeed will truly be a summer I will never forget! Time is a wheel, that is always in constant motion, moving along the way, and I do not want to be a person who looks back over theirs years with regret, wondering where their time was spent. Rather I want to fill my years with memories of things accomplished and life moments that were worth living, so that when the time comes and it will come all too soon, for Payten to leave my loving arms, that I will know without a shadow of a doubt, that I did the best I could to fulfill a "buck list"of life's wonder-ments and helped my daughter dance! I hope that we all Dance throughout our life and have summers such as this to remember!
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