By small and simple things, great things come to pass!

Today started off great! Payten woke up this morning with that sparkle back in her eye (that I was describing in my last post) smiling and ready to start her day! She was happy for most of the day, yippee! Which is indeed very exciting because days like these, have been few and far in between since her seizures have become uncontrolled. Anyways, I was super excited about Payten and how well she was doing, that when my Mom called and invited me to breakfast, I gladly accepted, for it has been awhile since I went and did something fun. At breakfast though, something very sad, yet disturbing happened. I say disturbing because you don't think that anyone can be so uncaring or cold hearted and it is truly shocking then they are! But I should not be surprised by this at all, which is very sad to say, but the truth is, I should be accustom to the ignorance of others when it comes to my disabled daughter, for this type of conduct happens more often than it should, which is truly disheartening if you really think about it.

Let me explain, while at breakfast today, we were greeted by a very self centered, unkind person. I know these are harsh words and harsh judgments to say, but honestly how she acted is exactly that, self centered and unkind. While we were sitting enjoying one anothers company, (meaning my Mom, Dad, Emmett, Payten and I), this Lady approaches. Now, there are plenty of seats in the restaurant for her to sit, but she "chooses" (key word) to sit by us, which we would not have thought twice if it weren't for her actions. As she sits down, you can tell she is very annoyed, which at first I thought, Oh! poor lady, she's having a bad day. But then quickly I realized that we were what she felt was her bad day. After she gets settled in, which was a whole other scene, she starts sighing and huffing loudly, glaring at Payten. Who by the way was not doing anything, she was actually very well behaved if I do say so myself, Payten sat there happily playing with a toy I gave her. Yes there was a little drool coming out of Payten's mouth, but that is Payten, she can't help it when that happens. Which I think was the major concern/complaint of the lady, for it disgusted her to see, which see made clear through mumbles under her breath and other rude comments. Then she proceeds to say to us, you know I really need space, I am going to be here for several hours. Well, congrats-a-damn-lations to you lady! Go sit somewhere else, if my child is bothering you so much! (I did not say that, but I did think it! Thanks Kym for the awesome reference word! LOL) This woman's actions continued for quite awhile until she finally she started bugging the Man on the other side of her, asking if he was going to be finished soon, so she could have his place, which meant further away from the nuisance of  a child! (I really don't think that of my child, that is just how she was acting) Until finally, the Man got sick of the way she was behaving and how she kept asking him when he would be done, that he switched places with her.

This whole scenario really should not have bothered me as much as it did, for I did nothing wrong, nor did my daughter, but it did bother me and to be quite frank, it hurt me and my feelings. I am tired of being made to feel like my daughter in a nuisance to those around her. I am tired of worrying about how I will be treated when I go somewhere. And this ignorance shown by others should not, but does at times, keep me from going places, for I don't want to deal with the cruelty of others and the nonsense and ignorance and therefore I choose to just stay home. Why can't we as a society learn tolerance,  understanding and love for one another. Why do we feel it necessary to treat others this way? Especially those who don't seem to fit the mold we as a society feel they should fit? Is it really that hard?  This whole experience reminds me of a post, that I posted years back, shortly after Payten was born. It was the first time I had ever gone out with Payten since she had been released from the hospital after her tracheotomy and G-tube placement. And before I go any further with my thoughts, I want to share that post with you.  Here is the post,

(Today was the real first day out on the town with Payten. Not really on the town, she had a Doctor's appointment. Anyways, while I was on this adventure I met two different kinds of people. Which really got me to thinking who I was like and whom I wanted to be like. Let me explain.... When I arrived at my Doctors office, I was having a hard time because there is a lot of things that go with taking Payten out. There is an O2 tank, Suctioning machine, catheters, Feeding pump, Trach and other medical supplies, Diaper bag, and her medical folder. (I don't think I'm forgetting anything!) None of which are small! So you can imagine how bad I was struggling, being new to this and all. But when I arrived at the door, I was greeted by a wonderful lady who helped me with my things and with Makenna. Not only did she help me, but she did it with a smile on her face and she asked me how I was doing. Never did she mention my child or the fact that Payten had special needs, she just talked to me and acted like all was normal. Now please, don't get me wrong I do not mind having people show concern and compassion toward me and Payten, but it is also nice to have someone just act like everything is the norm, which is exactly what she did. Now that's the first person! Here is the second person or persons!  The second person I met was the person in the waiting room as I walked up to go back to see the doctor, whom looked pitifully at my daughter, shakes her head and says, "Oh what a shame, that is no life for a child." Really love and affection is no life for a child? I wanted to cry, but had no time to! So I just walked away heartbroken. Then the other persons that fall into the "second person" category, I met as I was leaving the doctors office. As I walked out into the waiting to leave, I was greeted by two women whom had horrified expressions on their faces, which is understandable to an extent, because, yes there is no denying my child is different with everything that goes with her, but we don't need people acting like she is disease infested, which is what happened. Along with their horrified expressions, came fear as they grabbed their children and held them close so that they would not be near my child, they acted as if there children would ketch whatever Payten had. I am so not exaggerating, you should have seen their faces, it was so sad! And then as I am trying to get out the door, which is extremely hard when you have a stroller and your hands full of paperwork and a three year old child. Seriously just imagine it in your head and you will probably see what I was going through. Now, what do you think these two Ladies did? Did they help me?  NO! Rather they sat there and stared at me. They didn't even try to look busy, they didn't look away, nothing, they just stared! It was humiliating to say the least and extremely sad. I am not going to lie I was really mad at first and I had to call a friend, well actually, a couple friends to be exact (thanks, Kym and Kayla!) and vent my frustrations to them. After I vented, I got to thinking about how often have I been that second person? How often have I treated someone this poorly?  Hopefully not too often, and hopefully not to the extent they went. But how often have I stared at someone in horror or disbelief? How often have I been too busy to help someone? How often have I been to wrapped up in myself to realize someone needed me? How often have I spoken unkindly about someone? Too often, because I too am at fault when it comes to this. I know I have done these things and doing it one time is one time too many. So what did this experience teach me? This experience has made me realize that I want to be that first person! I want to be the person who is happy to help, the person who is paying attention to others needs, the person who is not wrapped up in themselves, the person who tries to make a difference around them without even knowing they are, the person who is always kind in their words and deeds! That is what this life is all about! Making a difference, helping others, and not always putting yourself first! I am grateful for this experience and the lesson it taught me.  I hope I can be better by being a little kinder and more compassionate to those around me.)

Now how about that?! Wow! Doesn't that just go perfectly with the experience I had today?! With the  exception for the one gal who showed kindness, she was a ROCK STAR and the person of whom we should all follow! But like I said before, these types of experiences happen all too often and I am tired of it! I guess I need to not let it hurt me, but rather allow it to teach me, that I may take the good from it and move on. The good meaning, how not to act. I need to not allow the ignorance of others  keep me from living, rather I need to live my life and if I run into ignorance, which I will, I need to remember to just blow it off, walk away and move on, while treating people with respect, love, tolerance and kindness. Before I end, I want to say thank you to all those people out there who do show love and kindness. I don't think you fully understand the impact you have on those around you. By small and simple things, great things come to pass and therefore when you do a simple act of kindness, such as, smile or a simple hello, etc. you have a huge impact on the person you bestowed that act to. These simple things we do, whether it be good or bad, they make a difference and wouldn't you rather be the good in the world and than the bad? I know I would!  As we go about our days, we really need to keep that in the back of our minds, we really need to think to ourselves, What good do we want to see if the World today? And then go and be/do that good. This experience today, just like the one a few years back, has reminded me and taught me that I need to be better and strive to better myself each and everyday. I am again very thankful for this reminder, even though it did bring me a little heartache in the process.

Even though the middle of my day got dampened by a dark cloud of unkind actions, it still ended well. Payten did a lot better today, no, she was not seizure free, but she did recover quickly from the seizure she had and she was therefore awake for most of her day, playing and laughing. I truly think that we have found the answer to controlling her seizures, but it will take some time to fully gain that control. Again thank you for your concern, your love, your thoughts, and prayers for my daughter, they truly mean the world to us and we love you.