Happy Birthday to a great husband and father! We love you Joseph Merrill!

The above picture is of the Birthday cake I made for Payten's and Joseph's combo birthday celebrations tomorrow night. But I have a picture of the birthday cake tonight, because today is my totally awesome, extremely handsome husbands birthday! He turned 35 today. I am dedicating this post to him, for he deserves to have his absolute awesomeness highlighted. (If you can't tell, I am totally smitten by him and a little bias on my thoughts and feelings in regards to him!) Joseph and I have been together for 12 years. We met through my Father. Yes you heard that right, we were set up by my Dad! If you know my Father, then you know how outgoing he is and when I was in my "young adult" years, my dad was bound and determined to find me a "man"! His exact words to me were, I am tired of you cramping your Mom's and Mines style, therefore I need to find you a Man to date! So while he work at Chase Bank (as a second job) him and Joseph shared a desk and my Dad talked Joseph into asking me out on a date. The rest is history! I guess the saying is true, Father knows best! Well, at least it is true for Joseph and Mines story.

To say it has been marital bliss would be a lie. We have had many ups and downs, but I absolutely believe that by and through our faith in God the Eternal Father and in his Son Jesus Christ and through our own efforts of compromise and work, we have made it through those ups and downs, for we have a solid foundation of faith and love. As cliché as it sounds, Joseph completes me. He is my better half and I am thankful to have him in my life. I would like to believe I am/do the same for him and his life. However there are moments we have wanted to strangle each other throughout the years, but we quickly realize that strangling each other is not an option and then we try and remember what made us fall in love in the first place! This seems to always or most always bring us out of our moment of anger and frustration and look at each other through different eyes of love and understanding.

To say Joseph is a great father would be an understatement. His wife and children are his world. He works 14 plus hours a day and still comes home happy and ready to play with his kids and helps his wife with whatever she needs. I know that there are moments he would rather be napping, but he has put his priorities in order and his family comes before napping. He is his kids biggest fans and his kids are his biggest fans. Our children love Joseph so much. When Daddy gets home the house fills with squeals of joy, for they can't wait to have "daddy time". Whether it be outside jumping on the trampoline or running around or wrestling on our bed, the kids are up for anything, as long as it is with Daddy. And Joseph makes absolute sure that Payten is in the middle of all the fun, for she is his heart and soul. Don't get me wrong, he loves all his children, but Payten is his prized possession, and I believe that has partly to do with her fragile state and numbered days, but mostly I believe it is because she is an absolute angel. It truly melts my heart to see him with our kids. It makes me fall in love with him all over again, each and every evening as I watch him love our kids!

Here are a few of my favorite photos of Joseph throughout the years, doing what he loves, caring for our kids,

 This is Joseph with Zachary on Zachary's second birthday!

 

 This is the day we brought Makenna home, such sweet moment of Makenna with her Daddy!

 

 Joseph, Zach and Makenna, building and destroying, which is something they all love to do!

 

 These two pictures are probably my absolute favorite of the ones on here, for they depict Zachary's third birthday, where Joseph dressed up as Batman for Zachary's party. The top is of Batman holding Makenna and the bottom is of Zachary with Batman. This meant the world to Zachary and those of you who know Joseph, understand how huge a deal this was for him to dress up, but he did it because he loves his son. Such a sweet memory we will cherish forever!

 

 This is a picture of Zachary's first Christmas, so he was not even two yet. We were playing and wrestling in Zach's ball pit he got from Santa! Such a fun picture of Zachary, Joseph and I, again this is a wonderful memory.

 

 Joseph helping Payten experience the world. I love this picture and the love and service behind it.

 

 Father's Day this year. These faces say it all, they truly love one another and I love them!

 

 This depicts a typical evening in our home and it truly makes my heart happy!

 

 Joseph being a good sport and allowing the children to have their way with him!

 

 A nightly routine with Joseph and Payten. He holds her before bedtime every night.

 

Emmett at a day old! Joseph was one proud Daddy for sure!

 

 

All of these pictures are a testament of what I said about Joseph being a great father and husband! Our Family has been truly blessed with a great Man, who was taught at young age, how to be a father, by good and honorable parents. I am lucky to call him mine and I hope he knows how much he is adored by our little family. We celebrated his birthday with a nice dinner and presents,

 

Steak and potatoes is what he wanted and steak and potatoes is what he got! Then we ended with presents, not the finest of gifts, but hey getting old stinks and so do the presents! He got socks, pens, and cream soda, as well as a tool box Zachary made for him!  Though the presents were not the finest, he still loved them and was grateful for them! He should know by now, presents are not my forte, I mean the first present I ever bought him for his birthday while we were dating, was a beta fish and I still got a ring on my finger a month later! So he should have expected that the gifts would go downhill from there! Totally kidding! He has gotten some awesome presents throughout the years, this year just did not happen to be one of those years! Oh well such is life!

Let me leave you by saying that Payten had an okay day, she is still struggling with her breathing, so most likely tomorrow or Thursday, we will be headed in to see the Doctor to try and nip it in the butt before her upcoming surgery. Also she did not have as great a day at Physical Therapy as she had last week, I am chalking it up to the fact that she is not feeling good, at least I hope that is the reason. All in all today was a fantastic day and I am thankful that Joseph Merrill was born on this day 35 years ago, for he has blessed my life the past 12 years and will continue to bless it! I love you all and I hope you all have a good night!



Fall has finally hit the Merrill home and Payten signed her first sign today!

This picture of Emmett today, is a prefect depiction of me yesterday. It was a no good very bad day of emotions for me yesterday and I can not tell you why or what the reason behind the emotions were, all I can say is, they were just there. That has been one of the hardest parts since the miscarriage, the different emotions and the roller coaster ride they have been to me. So I took Thumper's advice and since I had nothing nice to say, I refrained from blogging yesterday!

I am happy to say that I feel as though things are FINALLY starting to get back to normal, emotion wise. I think I needed to have a complete melt down yesterday for whatever reason, in order to feel normal today and keep getting better from here. I was a little worried that I would not be ready for today and the routine of school, etc., but it went smoother than excepted and though I am still extremely tired, it was still a good day. The only break down I had, was when I saw Payten sign to the Feeding Therapist. Yes, I said signed! When I saw her do that, the flood gates opened and there was no going back! At least today they were tears of joy and there was a definite reason for the tears.

Let me explain, Payten did not use her own hands to sign, but she did sign. Rather than using her own hands, she used her Therapist hands and signed MORE with them. It was definitely not a fluke, she was very exact and purposeful with her movements and signing. It was a miracle to watch, for we never thought Payten would communicate, but this moment showed me that there is hope. Maybe just maybe this is the beginning to Payten being able to talk to us and that is HUGE! Both the Therapist and I agree that Payten struggles controlling her own movements with her hands, arms, fingers, legs, etc., therefore it is easier for her to use other peoples hands, so her showing us the new way of signing, which is using our hands, rather than hers, has opened our eyes to how she might start signing and communicating. Seriously, those of you who know and love Payten would have been astounded and in tears at the beautiful sight of her signing MORE. No words can describe the joy I felt. I witness another miracle and I know this little girl has so many more miracles to show me.

So as you can tell, Payten had a really good day, despite the fact that she is having trouble breathing. Tis the season. The poor thing is so congested and struggles so much with coughing, meaning she has a very weak/poor cough, which causes the congestion to build up inside her lungs, which causes her to struggle breathing. If she is not doing better tomorrow, then off to the Pulmnologist we go. Albuterol and Pulmicort, through the nebulizer, along with CPT, have been our best friends these past few days, however, even with all of this, she is still requiring lots of Oxygen while sleeping, so I pray she gets better and that if she does need extra help, Dr. P will be able to figure it out and we can refrain from a hospitalization. Time will tell, but I am hopeful we will be able to figure it out and control it, without the help of the hospital.

On a good note, Payten's seizures are controlled! Hallelujah, can we say another miracle, finally! I am so happy that we finally found a solution and Payten is finally getting her life back. I believe Payten will be attending school soon, I just want to wait and get this blasted breathing and congestion under control before we send her into a germ infested zone, but once these issues are cleared, she will be good to go. I can not express how excited I am for her to start school, it is going to be so good for her and a much needed reprieve for me. Things really seem to be falling into place for her and that makes my heart happy, for she deserves it, so much.

We finally were able to get our fall décor up, which makes it feel that much more cozy and fallish in our home, which is a really good feeling. Since I was feeling so much better today, while the kids were at school, I took advantage of the extra time and pulled out the fall and Halloween décor and got to decorating. It is nothing special and it is not Pinterest worthy by any means, but hey it is Merrill Blog worthy and that is all the counts in this house! Heaven knows, I may have a lot of pins on pinterest, but I am not a pinterest gal!!!! I do try things off of there, but most of the time, it is an epic failure, except for the recipes, I do have to say I love the recipes, I have had much success with those, so maybe my problem is just the crafting aspect, I guess I am not a crafter, but I am going to still show all of you my fall creations,

All I need now is a centerpiece of pumpkins for our table and it will be prefect and complete! I love the holidays and decorating for them, even if my decorating skills are not magazine worthy! LOL! My family loves it, especially the kids and that is all that matters! When the kids came in from school, they squealed with excitement for all the decorations that were put up. That is what makes it worthwhile, hearing their squeals of delight for the holidays and the decorations that come with the holidays. Such fun memories I will have when I am older.

Though I have been a little kooky these past few days considering the trauma my body endured, things are finally starting to get back to normal and I am starting to feel like my old self again and Payten is doing great, which helps my healing process tremendously. I am so very thankful for my blessings and for my life. I love my family and friends, for I have the best of both. Much love to you all and Goodnight.

I recieved a much needed break!

Today was a more emotional day, than some days this week and I suppose that is normal and will be normal for a little while. I just need to remain honest with myself and my feelings, let them be felt and released and then move forward. If I do this I should be fine and get better quicker than if I just bottled them up. With that said, it does not make days like today any easier. I just hope that these days become lesser and far in between.

Even though I was more emotional, I still had a good day filled with productivity! I am happy that Joseph did not have to work as late as we thought he would and that he was able to get much needed errands and yard work done. I am hoping for a pretty winter yard soon! I love this season of Fall and Winter in Arizona. The weather here is so beautiful and it makes for prefect yards with pretty flowers; which is something I love.

After Joseph was through with his different tasks he set forth to accomplish, I was then able to leave for a much needed "sister time" break. It was not the most exciting girls night out, but it was a much needed outing, that was filled with lots of fun. My sister Laura and I went shopping for Payten's Birthday. I can not believe she will be five on Wednesday. It really is a miracle when I think about it and I wanted to do something SUPER special for her, but then all this "drama" that happened this week, things just got put on hold, so I guess we will be doing something very simple, but at least she will have presents! Yay, for that! Payten is a hard one to buy for, because you want to make it special, but not a lot of toys, etc interest her, so I went safe and bought her four outfits, plus pajama's and Monday I will complete the ensemble with a stuffed animal and book. Zachary wanted us to buy her a pony. He said every five year old princess like Payten deserves a pony! Unfortunately there were no ponies for sale, so I had to settle on clothes! I love how much he loves her and wants to give her the world! It truly makes my heart happy. Here is a picture of the different outfits and pj's,

She is definitely going to be one stylin' little girl with all these cute birthday clothes. I just hope that between now and Wednesday, I can come up with some special, yet simple idea for celebrating her fives years on this earth, for she deserves to celebrate the miracle of her life! If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment telling me your ideas. I need help! I guess when I am done on here, I will be on Pinterest looking at birthday ideas. Wish me luck, I am gonna need it. Pinterest can be overwhelming at times! I pray you all have a blessed day tomorrow and a good night.

Smiling is beautiful!

I read a quote today that really spoke to me and that I wanted to share with all of you, it said, "Attitude is a simple thing, that makes a big difference." I have come to realize the truth to this, especially with everything that I have faced with Payten throughout the years. I have come to fully understand that attitude really is everything. Though at times it is hard to have a positive attitude, it is extremely important to try and remain as hopeful and positive as you possibly can, for this will be the deciding factor of whether the circumstance makes or breaks you.

This week, I could have wallowed in self pity, I could have laid in bed and cried all day, thinking about all the bad and sad things that have happened this week and throughout my life, but instead, I chose to face the problem head on. I chose to look at it for what it was, to allow myself to cry, to talk and to express the different emotions I was feeling and move forward after I went through all of these things. I did not give into the anguish and pain, but I also did not ignore the anguish and pain, rather I dealt with it. If I had just ignored it, all I would have been doing is setting myself up for a future breakdown and if I had given into it fully at that moment, I would have fallen into a major breakdown that could have lasted a really long time. I sincerely believe the key to facing and dealing with a difficult situation, is allowing yourself to feel, express, deal and then move forward with a smile on your face. But you also need to understand that every situation is different and therefore some things are going to take longer than others. Therefore we need to allot ourselves the time needed to heal, whether it be days, weeks, months, years, we need to make sure we take the time to fully heal, but also still try to live our lives the best we can.

How do you do this? I can not answer that question, for we are all different and therefore the answer is different for everyone and every case. For me and my current situation, the answer has been to allow myself to be open and honest with what I feel and if I need to cry, then I cry, if I need to scream then I scream, etc and once I release whatever it is I need to release, I move on. If it takes a day, then it takes a day and then I try to move forward, with a hope that the next day and the week, will get better and brighter with every step. And to be quite honest it has really helped to keep me from completely falling apart. But not only has it helped to keep me from a complete and total break down, it has also helped me to feel like I am releasing the emotions I need to release, rather than bottling them up.

Now, I want you to know, this a process, that takes time to learn. I have had five years to learn and grow in this due to the different circumstances I have faced with Payten. It did not come over night and it is not a mastered skill, for I am still learning. However with that being said, I have come a long ways and I have learned who I am and how I deal with hardships and challenges and I try to face them in the best way I know how, in order to keep the best attitude I can while enduring it. I am not always successful at it, but I am getting better and better each time I face these different challenges. So my thoughts for you are this, learn who you are and how you deal with life and the challenges that life sometimes hands you, so that you can try and figure out what is the best way for you to do when faced with a difficult situation, so that you can ultimately keep the best attitude possible during it. I promise that if you try and remain positive during a stressful/challenging time, it will make all the difference.

Now that I got that out, I will step off my box of tide and move on!!! The kids and I were able to have the fun day I wanted to have due to it being the last day of October break. No, we did not do exactly what I wanted, but I knew it was not a realistic thing for us to do everything I wanted, because my body is still healing and I need to not push myself too hard, so that I am not in a worse situation later because of it. So, for our day of fun, we ran a few errands, picked out a birthday present for Makenna's best friend, Harlee and then went and got some lunch at Chick fil A. After lunch I started hurting really bad, so rather than killing myself by walking around a pumpkin patch like we had planned, I decided to take the kids on a drive around town instead and play the old school game of Slug Bug! To say we had fun would be an understatement. We laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a much needed moment for all of us.

The best part of it, was when my son Zachary looked at me and said, "Mom you're smiling! I am so happy to see you smile! I love your smile so much, it is one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen and I have missed it all week! So thank you for letting me see it today!" His words not only brought a bigger smile to my face, they also brought tears to my eyes, for I did not realize that by me not smiling due the sorrow I had felt this past week, I had not only been affecting myself, but I was also affecting my children in a negative way. It made me realize that no matter what, I need to try to always smile, even if it is hard, I need to find a reason to smile. Smiling is beautiful and it is an important part in helping yourself find that positive attitude you need in order to help you endure a hard situation. I love these simple reminders my children teach me, for they help me to better myself!

Our night ended with Emmett as happy as can be! Which made me as happy as can be! His dream came true, he was able to transform into his favorite character, Captain Jake, from Jake and the Neverland Pirates,

His face says it all, he truly was one happy boy!

Our day may have been simple, for my body could not handle more than that, but it still was a day we will remember, for we had fun and we made some priceless memories; and memories are what we keep forever! Remember, life is a beautiful thing, so let's try to always keep the right attitude for it may seem to be a simple thing, but it does have a huge impact on not only ourselves, but those around us! I love you all and I hope you all have a good night. I want to thank you again for all your love and support, it has been much need and much appreciated.

My body may still be weak, but life is getting better.

I am happy to say that today was the best day I have had all week. My body was still weak and in a lot of pain, but it was better than it has been in days. I was nervous at first, considering Joseph went back to work today, that I would not be able to handle the load of that is involved with Payten and life, etc. all on my own, but I was blessed with the strength to be able to do it. I can not begin to explain the effects that a miscarriage has on your mind, body and soul. It creates complete havoc on all areas of your life. I never could have understood or imagined the havoc and pain it can have on a person, until I actually went through it. So as much as I grieve for the loss and pain that I have experienced, I am still grateful for the growth I gained and the lessons I learned, for I believe that I now have a more compassionate heart, with a greater understanding and love for those around me. Though I would not want to go through the grief, pain and loss of a baby again, I still would not trade the knowledge I have gained through this hardship.

Though my day started off better than expected, I quickly found myself weak and in pain by early afternoon. I chalk it up to the fact that I pushed myself too hard too quickly, but I am hopeful that with a good nights sleep and a positive attitude, I will have an even better day tomorrow. A day that I can take the kids out and do something fun, for it is our last chance to do it during this break. I pray that my body cooperates and that it allots me the energy I need to run with the kids tomorrow and have some fun, because I am truly and sincerely heart broken that their break was ruined with these recent tragic events that hit our family.

However, I can not begin to express how pleased and impressed I am with my children and their attitudes through all of this. They have not complained hardly at all in regards to our fun plans taking a backseat to this week. Rather they have made the best of their situation. Even though Monday went terribly, considering that things kept foiling our plans, instead of the kids whining and crying about nothing going their way, they instead made the best of their situation and had a blast. This picture says it all,

Instead of them moping around, grumpy that we were unable to go on our planned picnic in the park, something that I would have done as a kid, they instead went out back and created their own fun. This picture shows the pirate ship they built and the fun they had playing Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

Today was no different. The plans for today were, that we were going to go to the Phoenix Children's Museum, but with my health not being up to par we had to skip it and again instead of complaining, they went outside and made more creative fun for themselves. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a picture, due to the pain I was in, but the sounds of laughter and joy coming from the backyard, gave me a good picture of the fun they were having. This time, instead of building a pirate ship, they built a rocket and they pretended to fly to the moon. It is awesome the imagination my kids have and the fun things they can create because of that imagination.

Their attitudes this week have helped me tremendously. It has helped remind of how truly blessed I am and it has helped me to not feel more guilt than I have already felt from all of the stress and storms that I have faced. These kids truly complete me and make my life so much greater by the simple things they do. I love them so much and I am grateful that they chose me to be their Mom.

Though life has been a little rough these past few days, things are starting to get better and look up, which is all I could ask for, for I do not like to be kept down for long. I love life and all that it entails, even if there are a few hurdles along the way that seem impossible to jump over at times, my record is still 100%, for I always seem to jump them and that is a pretty good record, if I do say so myself!

Before I go, I just want to thank those who sent words of encouragement my way and also to those who sent good thoughts, good vibes, well wishes and prayers my way too. They were exactly what I needed and they really helped me to coup with all of the emotional stress I faced. I love you all so much for your kindness and love that you show me and my family. Thank you for you friendship, your support and your love, it truly means the world to us. May God keep blessing you always and may you all have a blessed night.

These past few days have been long and stormy

I am not sure where to begin this post. So I am going to start with a quote I saw today on facebook,

I really liked this quote, for I believe it pertains to use all. Everyone goes through storms during their lives and though it may be hard, the key truly is to not allow the storm to get inside you.

The reason I share this quote is because for the past few days it has been extremely stormy in the Merrill home. Storms that have gotten inside both Joseph and I, but I am trying really hard to not succumb to these storms. However with that being said, sometimes certain stresses and storms in life are inevitable not to succumb to and this storm that Joseph and I have been facing these past couple of days, is indeed one of those types of storms.

Let me explain, but before I do, let me say, that this is really hard for me to share, for I did not necessarily want to share this, but in order for me to overcome the stress/storm I have been facing, I need to be able share and release the emotions and pain that are within me due to these events. Here it goes, as of this week, I was 10 wks. pregnant. For some of you this comes as a shock, for I said that Emmett was our last baby and I thought he was, until almost a year ago, when Joseph and I both had a overwhelming feeling that there was one more child waiting to complete our family. Therefore I did not follow through on the permanent birth control measure I was going to take. So you can only imagine the excitement Joseph, I and the kids felt, when we found out I was pregnant with baby number five.

Unfortunately, due to recent events, I am no longer pregnant. I had planned for this week to be filled with fun and excitement due to it being October break. But not only did I want to do something fun because of the break, I also wanted to do something fun because I have notice lately, that I have become I real home body and that is something that I do not like to see. So instead of falling victim to this cycle, I wanted to try and break the cycle and do something fun and different with the kids and this just seemed to be the perfect week to do it in. Therefore I had planned on venturing out of my comfort zone and taking the kids to different places such as museums, parks, etc. all by myself this week. Unfortunately, life had other plans for me.

Monday, obstacles just kept falling in our way, that foiled our plans of going to the park and having a picnic, etc. But the evening seemed to go as planned and we were able to go out shopping as a family and still have some fun. However, when we got home, things seemed to spiral out of control and that is when the bleeding and pain began. At first I was in shock. I did not know what to think. Was this really happening to me? Maybe it was just harder spotting than I was used to and tomorrow it would be better. But as the night progressed, so did the pain and bleeding, to the point I knew I was going to lose the baby. The next morning I called the doctor and made an appointment in hopes that there might be a way of saving this pregnancy. However, when the doctor examined me, she said that the bleeding was significant and therefore I would most likely pass the tissue of the baby, within the next few days.

After a very painful and agonizing day, I finally was able to pass the tissue late last night. To say I sobbed would be an understatement. To say I felt pain and grief would be unjust. This is something that can not be explained in words. It is a pain both physically and emotionally, that you can not comprehend, unless you have gone through it. I now have empathy towards those Mothers who have experienced such a tragedy called miscarriage. I now understand the loss and the pain that is involved with such a tragedy and for that I am truly sorry to those who have faced this. It is a loss and pain that no one should ever have to face, but unfortunately it something that is more common than we realize. And it does not matter if you are a first time Mother or if you are a mother of multiple children, it is still a hard ordeal to go through, for it is a child that you have lost; a child you were excitedly awaiting the arrival of that will no longer come.

The hardest part for me was explaining the tragic events to my children. They were so excited for this baby. Everyday, they would give names of what they wanted for the baby and Makenna would kiss my stomach and say, Hi Baby! So when I had to say that there was no longer a baby inside me, it was devastating and they cried for the loss of their brother or sister. It truly broke my heart that much more, than if it would have just been Joseph and I who knew about this baby. The only saving grace was that we did not tell others, rather we wanted to surprise everyone with our Christmas card and announce the new arrival then. The other saving grace I had in all of this was that I passed all the tissue and I will not need surgery or other help passing it, which will make the healing process a lot faster.

Though I felt like I truck hit me this morning and I had pain in places I did not know existed and I was beyond tired, I know this too shall pass and that this is not the end of the world and that it could be a lot worse. However, with that being said, this is still a tough thing to endure, but I am trying to endure it well and not allow it to overcome me. These are the moments that I am the most thankful for my faith and the eternal perspective that comes with that faith. I know that this baby that I just lost will be mine, whether in this life or in the next life, I will have this baby as mine own and I will raise him/her and for that I am thankful to have this perspective/knowledge that I have, for it makes tragedy's such as this bearable.

This is what life is all about, facing and enduring different hardships, so that we can become better by and through those hardships. We are all born good people, but it is life's tragedies and hardships that mold us into better people. I know that eventually I will see the blessing in all of this and that I will see the transformation in myself and for that I am truly thankful. Like the beginning quote said, We all pass through storms, but we need not let the storms in our live or allow them to over power us, rather we need to pass through them the best we can, taking the good with the bad and allowing these storms to change our hearts for the better. Ultimately it is up to us whether we allow these changes of our hearts happen or not. We can either grow from our storms or we can succumb to them, it is up to us what happens, but I hope and pray that we all choose to grow, for that is what makes life beautiful.

On a happier note, Payten is doing well! Yay! Though tragedy struck our home this week, it did not seem to have an effect on Payten. She keeps doing better and better. I believe that she is going to be able to start school soon and that makes my heart happy. Luckily Joseph was able to take time off of work to pick up the slack that I was unable to do from the physical limitations that the miscarriage caused me. Payten rocked therapy this week and I was sad to miss, but fortunately her PT sent me pictures of her success and here is my favorite of all the pictures,

The picture is darker on the computer than it was on my phone, so for that I am sorry. If you can not tell, the picture is of Payten standing in her light gait trainer at Physical Therapy. I hope that you can see the smile on her face, for it speaks volumes! This is the Payten we have missed! Finally she is coming back and we are starting to see the Payten we had lost in all of these seizures and other set backs. We are finally getting back to the good place we were once in, before all of these hardships  hit our sweet Payten. What a blessing it is to see her finally coming back to this good place. It helps me to be able to see all the blessings in my life, though I have face some real tragedy this week; these are the moments that help me to keep going, with a heart full of gratitude. If Payten can face such tragedy in her short life and still smile, then I can face this small tragedy and come out smiling too. It is all about attitude and perspective, that is what my sweet Payten has taught me.

On another good note, we finally have a surgery date for Payten. Her surgery will be on November 4, 2013. It is later than I anticipated or wanted it to be, but I am thankful that is happened this way. For I could not have predicted the recent events, and now I will have the time I need to get through these events. I will be able to overcome the physical and emotional pain that is involved, as well as clear my head of any sorrow and grief that may follow and be ready for what may come from Payten's surgery. I know that the Lord's hand was in all of this and that he was truly looking out for the best interest of everyone involved and for that I am truly thankful.

Though these past few days have been long and stormy, filled with grief and pain, I know I am blessed beyond compare and I am thankful for those blessings. I love my life and I know that everything happens for a reason and that soon I will fully understand the whys to all of this and I will be able to see the blessing that come from it. For now I will remain faithful that it will get better and the pain will subside. I am thankful to all of you for your love, support, thoughts and prayers. They have been felt and are much appreciated. I pray that we may all face life's challenges with an open heart that will help us to learn and grow from them, so that we may all transform into the better people we are meant to be. May you all have a blessed week and a Good night. Much love and God bless.

Home can be a heaven on earth!

Today was a much needed reprieve from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. That is why I love conference Sundays. They give a much needed break from the normal, but still allow the uplifting spiritual nourishment that Sundays bring, but in the comfort of your own home while relaxing with the ones you love. Joseph has not been home a lot lately and so having him home and Payten well and the kids happily playing together, all while the messages of conference were being played, seriously, heaven on earth. Now I truly know, home can be a heaven on earth, for today was just that! It was a lovely sight to see and it made my heart happy! Honestly, it was exactly what I needed to help prepare me for the upcoming week.

Not only was it nice to listen to conference and be with my family, but it was nice to see Zachary and Makenna taking our talk we had last night to heart. After the afternoon session of conference was over, Joseph and I decided to take advantage of the moment while Payten and Emmett were both sleeping and take a nap, which Zachary and Makenna happily agreed we should go and do. But not only that, when Joseph asked them to fold some laundry while we took our nap, instead of complaining, they smiled and said, Sure! Then I heard Makenna say to Zachary, Do you know how to fold laundry? Zachary's response, No, but I'm sure it's easy. Makenna, Me neither, but your probably right, it can't be that hard!~ This not only made me giggle, but it made my heart happy that they truly are trying to be more helpful. After our nap this is what we found,

It may not be a ton of clothes that they folded, but it sure was enough to make me feel like I got through to them last night with our discussion. This is a sight that would make any Mother's heart happy! I sure love these kids of mine! Oh, and after I saw their hard work, they put it away. Makenna said, Hey, I wanted to make sure you saw all our hard work! LOL! This little girl kills me at times.

Our night ended with us all together sitting in the family room talking, laughing and playing together. It truly was a great way to end a good day and while Joseph was playing with Payten, one of her bottom teeth fell out. We are not sure if it was time for it to come out or if she hit it against something that caused it to loosen and fall out. The only reason we question, is she still seems a little young to be losing teeth. But it really does not matter what the reason may be, the tooth fairy still comes and that is all that matters. Some of you might think, tooth fairy for Payten?! Really? Yes, though she may not get concept or the magic of it, she still deserves the same traditions and magic the other kids get and besides the other kiddos would question why the tooth fairy didn't come to Payten!  I just hope I don't forget. That happens a lot around here, lol! Here is a picture of her tooth,

I pray that you all had a lovely Sunday and that you received the relaxation and nourishment you body and soul needs for the upcoming week. May you all have a blessed week filled with accomplishment and fun! Good night to you all and much love.