My body may still be weak, but life is getting better.

I am happy to say that today was the best day I have had all week. My body was still weak and in a lot of pain, but it was better than it has been in days. I was nervous at first, considering Joseph went back to work today, that I would not be able to handle the load of that is involved with Payten and life, etc. all on my own, but I was blessed with the strength to be able to do it. I can not begin to explain the effects that a miscarriage has on your mind, body and soul. It creates complete havoc on all areas of your life. I never could have understood or imagined the havoc and pain it can have on a person, until I actually went through it. So as much as I grieve for the loss and pain that I have experienced, I am still grateful for the growth I gained and the lessons I learned, for I believe that I now have a more compassionate heart, with a greater understanding and love for those around me. Though I would not want to go through the grief, pain and loss of a baby again, I still would not trade the knowledge I have gained through this hardship.

Though my day started off better than expected, I quickly found myself weak and in pain by early afternoon. I chalk it up to the fact that I pushed myself too hard too quickly, but I am hopeful that with a good nights sleep and a positive attitude, I will have an even better day tomorrow. A day that I can take the kids out and do something fun, for it is our last chance to do it during this break. I pray that my body cooperates and that it allots me the energy I need to run with the kids tomorrow and have some fun, because I am truly and sincerely heart broken that their break was ruined with these recent tragic events that hit our family.

However, I can not begin to express how pleased and impressed I am with my children and their attitudes through all of this. They have not complained hardly at all in regards to our fun plans taking a backseat to this week. Rather they have made the best of their situation. Even though Monday went terribly, considering that things kept foiling our plans, instead of the kids whining and crying about nothing going their way, they instead made the best of their situation and had a blast. This picture says it all,

Instead of them moping around, grumpy that we were unable to go on our planned picnic in the park, something that I would have done as a kid, they instead went out back and created their own fun. This picture shows the pirate ship they built and the fun they had playing Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

Today was no different. The plans for today were, that we were going to go to the Phoenix Children's Museum, but with my health not being up to par we had to skip it and again instead of complaining, they went outside and made more creative fun for themselves. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a picture, due to the pain I was in, but the sounds of laughter and joy coming from the backyard, gave me a good picture of the fun they were having. This time, instead of building a pirate ship, they built a rocket and they pretended to fly to the moon. It is awesome the imagination my kids have and the fun things they can create because of that imagination.

Their attitudes this week have helped me tremendously. It has helped remind of how truly blessed I am and it has helped me to not feel more guilt than I have already felt from all of the stress and storms that I have faced. These kids truly complete me and make my life so much greater by the simple things they do. I love them so much and I am grateful that they chose me to be their Mom.

Though life has been a little rough these past few days, things are starting to get better and look up, which is all I could ask for, for I do not like to be kept down for long. I love life and all that it entails, even if there are a few hurdles along the way that seem impossible to jump over at times, my record is still 100%, for I always seem to jump them and that is a pretty good record, if I do say so myself!

Before I go, I just want to thank those who sent words of encouragement my way and also to those who sent good thoughts, good vibes, well wishes and prayers my way too. They were exactly what I needed and they really helped me to coup with all of the emotional stress I faced. I love you all so much for your kindness and love that you show me and my family. Thank you for you friendship, your support and your love, it truly means the world to us. May God keep blessing you always and may you all have a blessed night.