This picture of Emmett today, is a prefect depiction of me yesterday. It was a no good very bad day of emotions for me yesterday and I can not tell you why or what the reason behind the emotions were, all I can say is, they were just there. That has been one of the hardest parts since the miscarriage, the different emotions and the roller coaster ride they have been to me. So I took Thumper's advice and since I had nothing nice to say, I refrained from blogging yesterday!
I am happy to say that I feel as though things are FINALLY starting to get back to normal, emotion wise. I think I needed to have a complete melt down yesterday for whatever reason, in order to feel normal today and keep getting better from here. I was a little worried that I would not be ready for today and the routine of school, etc., but it went smoother than excepted and though I am still extremely tired, it was still a good day. The only break down I had, was when I saw Payten sign to the Feeding Therapist. Yes, I said signed! When I saw her do that, the flood gates opened and there was no going back! At least today they were tears of joy and there was a definite reason for the tears.
Let me explain, Payten did not use her own hands to sign, but she did sign. Rather than using her own hands, she used her Therapist hands and signed MORE with them. It was definitely not a fluke, she was very exact and purposeful with her movements and signing. It was a miracle to watch, for we never thought Payten would communicate, but this moment showed me that there is hope. Maybe just maybe this is the beginning to Payten being able to talk to us and that is HUGE! Both the Therapist and I agree that Payten struggles controlling her own movements with her hands, arms, fingers, legs, etc., therefore it is easier for her to use other peoples hands, so her showing us the new way of signing, which is using our hands, rather than hers, has opened our eyes to how she might start signing and communicating. Seriously, those of you who know and love Payten would have been astounded and in tears at the beautiful sight of her signing MORE. No words can describe the joy I felt. I witness another miracle and I know this little girl has so many more miracles to show me.
So as you can tell, Payten had a really good day, despite the fact that she is having trouble breathing. Tis the season. The poor thing is so congested and struggles so much with coughing, meaning she has a very weak/poor cough, which causes the congestion to build up inside her lungs, which causes her to struggle breathing. If she is not doing better tomorrow, then off to the Pulmnologist we go. Albuterol and Pulmicort, through the nebulizer, along with CPT, have been our best friends these past few days, however, even with all of this, she is still requiring lots of Oxygen while sleeping, so I pray she gets better and that if she does need extra help, Dr. P will be able to figure it out and we can refrain from a hospitalization. Time will tell, but I am hopeful we will be able to figure it out and control it, without the help of the hospital.
On a good note, Payten's seizures are controlled! Hallelujah, can we say another miracle, finally! I am so happy that we finally found a solution and Payten is finally getting her life back. I believe Payten will be attending school soon, I just want to wait and get this blasted breathing and congestion under control before we send her into a germ infested zone, but once these issues are cleared, she will be good to go. I can not express how excited I am for her to start school, it is going to be so good for her and a much needed reprieve for me. Things really seem to be falling into place for her and that makes my heart happy, for she deserves it, so much.
We finally were able to get our fall décor up, which makes it feel that much more cozy and fallish in our home, which is a really good feeling. Since I was feeling so much better today, while the kids were at school, I took advantage of the extra time and pulled out the fall and Halloween décor and got to decorating. It is nothing special and it is not Pinterest worthy by any means, but hey it is Merrill Blog worthy and that is all the counts in this house! Heaven knows, I may have a lot of pins on pinterest, but I am not a pinterest gal!!!! I do try things off of there, but most of the time, it is an epic failure, except for the recipes, I do have to say I love the recipes, I have had much success with those, so maybe my problem is just the crafting aspect, I guess I am not a crafter, but I am going to still show all of you my fall creations,
All I need now is a centerpiece of pumpkins for our table and it will be prefect and complete! I love the holidays and decorating for them, even if my decorating skills are not magazine worthy! LOL! My family loves it, especially the kids and that is all that matters! When the kids came in from school, they squealed with excitement for all the decorations that were put up. That is what makes it worthwhile, hearing their squeals of delight for the holidays and the decorations that come with the holidays. Such fun memories I will have when I am older.
Though I have been a little kooky these past few days considering the trauma my body endured, things are finally starting to get back to normal and I am starting to feel like my old self again and Payten is doing great, which helps my healing process tremendously. I am so very thankful for my blessings and for my life. I love my family and friends, for I have the best of both. Much love to you all and Goodnight.
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