Everybody deserves a day to just kickback, relax and not follow a routine, rather go with the flow of what the day brings! A week ago, Zach and Makenna, had one of these types of days and as you can tell by the above picture of Emmett, today was Emmett and Payten's day to relax, kickback and just enjoy the day away. Honestly, I don't know what encouraged me to come to this decision today, but I am thankful I did. When I woke up, I had a strong feeling that I needed to take a step back and cancel therapies today and spend time with Emmett and Payten, and just focused on them and nothing else and that is what I did, for the most part at least. It helped that Payten had a slight fever. It made me feel like we were not totally blowing off therapies, but in all actuality that is what we did. I think at times Joseph and I get caught up in doing the everyday needs of Payten, that we sometimes forget to just relax and enjoy the moment with her. So, just like it was important for Zach and Makenna to have a fun day, it was just as important for Emmett and Payten to have one those days too. This picture says it all. Just looking at her sweet face tells me I made the right choice,
this picture melts my heart, for this is pure joy in her eyes! Joy I have not seen in a few months. I know that Payten needs therapies and I know today would have been a great day for her at therapy, but I have not had a day like this in long while with her and so to me it was more important to have this time together, than it was to do therapies. This is the Payten I have been missing and yearning so desperately to see. I am so thankful that she is coming back to us. Each day seems to be getting better. I am really hopeful that by the end of October break we will be in a good enough place to say yes to Payten attending school. School is something that I have prayed for her to be able to do. I know that school is going to be a good thing for her, for it will open up opportunities I can not give her at home, such as socializing with kids her age, etc. It makes my heart happy to think we are getting back to a good place with Payten and are seeing her happy little self again.
She is still sleeping quite a bit, which is still hard to see and deal with. Therefore, Joseph and I are going to try an experiment on Payten this week. We are going to change the times that we give her medications. For those of you who do not know, Joseph gets up for work at 2am everyday, so we thought that he could give her morning dose of medication at 2am and then I could give her nightly dose at 3pm, in hopes that she will sleep during more opportune times and be awake during more opportune times! I guess we will see what this experiment brings, if it turns out to be a good thing, then we will continue doing it, if it doesn't help or we see more seizure activity, etc. we will stop and go back to how we have been doing it her entire life. Honestly, it is a win, win, for we will just be assuring ourselves that we are doing everything that we can possibly think to do. But honestly, if things keep going the way they are going, I will be happy, for Payten is doing amazing, considering where she was a week ago. I am excited to see what the Doctor in Utah can do for us, because I truly believe she is going to open up doors of possibility for Payten that we did not know existed, so I can't wait to see what she has to say regards to our sweet Payten. No, we do not have an appointment yet, but we will have one soon and I seriously can't wait, for I have a really good feeling about this Doctor.
These past few days have been difficult, for Joseph has either been working or serving someone in need. Saturday and Today, were the hardest, because Joseph did not get home until almost 7 at night and he had worked both days, meaning his day started at 2am and I did not see him until 7. I am not going to lie, I kind of sucked, but I know he was where he was suppose to be. For that is what this life is all about, serving and helping others, so I am grateful that my husband is willing and able to help when there is a need and I am thankful that I can be patient and allow him to do so. Because by my willingness to give up time with and help from him, I am ultimately serving those people and well and that makes my heart happy, for I love to help others! Even if there are moments I want to call screaming, COME HOME! I NEED YOU! I try really hard to refrain from doing so and instead I try and repeat in my head, When ye are in the service of your fellow man, ye are in the service of your God! And that seems to help put things back into perspective. But with that said, I am quite grateful that the service we are rendering right now, is coming to an end and Joseph will be home at a more reasonable hour in the days to come. Because I am ready to have my husband back!!!!!!
Though the days have been long and grueling, due to the lack of help from Joseph, Zachary and Makenna have surprised me. They have been so great these past few days! I can not tell you how helpful they have been these. It seriously amazes me, when I think about how awesome they have been. Zachary, helped by cleaning and playing with all the kids. If Payten needed something, he was right there, helping her with whatever she needed. He kept Makenna and Emmett entertained and helped me whenever I asked without complaints. Makenna was Emmett's little Mommy over the weekend and tonight. She helped change diapers and cleaned up Emmett's messes when the time called for her to do so. Seriously, it was like a light bulb went off in their little heads, that said, "Hey, Mom is doing a lot and Dad is not here to help, therefore we need to step up and take Dad's spot and help."~ As grateful I am for this light bulb, I am wondering what the heck took so long for this light bulb to go off in my children's heads?! For I could have used this type of help months ago! But I will take it as it comes and be grateful that they rendered the help they did.
Here is a picture of Zach with Emmett tonight. This was taken while I was getting dinner ready. Zachary made sure Emmett was entertained so I could focus on getting dinner on the table, because even though life has been more stressful without the husband around, dinner is something that I feel is super important for a family to share together and so I strive to make it happen, even on nights like these! Now, let's be real for a moment, dinner together as a family, does not always workout, but I try to do what I can to make it possible, so I am truly grateful that Zachary and Makenna, render the help they did, in keeping Emmett and Payten entertained, while I got dinner on the table,
These are the moments that remind me how truly blessed I am. Though I wonder during times like these, where my "real" children are, for this is not the normal around here, I am still grateful for these moments that remind me of how much I love my life. Yes, it may all be a dream, that I will wake up from and be slapped in the face with reality, but I am pretty sure this is not a dream and that in all actuality, I am doing something right and these are indeed my children and they are learning from mine and Joseph's example and maturing into beautiful people who would make any Mother's heart happy. I sincerely believe that life is starting to look up for us and that blessings are abounding around us and I can not begin to tell you how that makes my heart feel. I am feeling an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for all the blessings and love my family and I are receiving and have received. I truly love my life and everything it brings, the good and the bad, even though the bad moments at times leave me wondering how I am possibly going to get through them, I know that eventually I will make it through and be that much more blessed and grateful. What an amazing life I have, truthfully, I could not think of a better life! Let just say, before I go, Thank you for praying for and loving our sweet Payten. She is where she is today, because of those prayers and love. We love you all and we hope you all have a good night. Much love
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