I know God Answers Prayers!

As I sit here overcome by emotion. I can not help but feel over whelming joy, for this I know, God answers Prayers. Early this afternoon, Payten was admitted to the ICU at Cardon's Children's Medical Center and Honestly, I have no idea what it was for, all I know is something was and is seriously wrong with my child. They think it is Neurological as do I. We think that it is a Neurological Declination. And to be quite honest with you, I am scared. I am horrified. The last time I was this scared was way back when Payten was first put in the PICU for Respiratory Failure/Congestive Heart Failure. I thought we were going to lose her tonight. Maybe not tonight, but in the near future and we still could.

Let me explain why I am over come with Joy. Since Wednesday, as I explained in my previous post, Payten has not been herself. She has been irritable, lethargic, unresponsive at times, sleeping for most of her time and when awake she has seemed to be drugged to the point of a complete blank state. She has not been her normal happy self. We have missed her smile, we have missed that sweet, beautiful twinkle in her eye, we have missed Payten's little Spirit. And each day it has seemed to get harder and harder to keep her awake/wake her up, it has kind of felt like a shell of a body with no Payten at times and then other times she is agitated and in pain .

So today while in the hospital, I was overcome with this fear and realization that I could lose my child, she was at her worst, she was in and out of consciousness and it appeared that her little self was not there and might not ever be there again and that is a horrifying feeling. Knowing that you may never see your baby smile, laugh, cry, or look at you and really know who you are again is terrifying. It brought back every emotion I ever felt back when Payten was 2 months of age. I finally left the hospital around 7ish to go home and shower and as I got to my car, I was overcome with pain. I could not hold it in any longer, the crying had overtaken me. As I walked in the door of my home, the only thing I could do was drop to my knees and plead with my Father in Heaven.

A Plead that I would be able to handle whatever came my way. A Plead that Payten would have the pain taken away. A Plead that God's will would be done, but that I could emotionally and physically get through whatever that will might be. I talked with him and told him my fears and how I did not want to lose my child, but that if it meant pain and suffering then I understood and wanted her to face it no more. I ended with one request. A request that she would Smile for me one last time, that she would look me in the eye and know who I was and that I loved her. That I could say goodbye before she went home, that she would wake for a short time, so I could tell her I loved her.

This morning at 2:30 am, she did just that! She woke up! She looked more alert than I have ever seen her look in the past three days! And she SMILED! Oh what a glorious Smile it was! I started to cry and the nurse with pain in her eyes told me that she could only imagine the relief I felt to see her arouse and stay awake. Let's hope that this means she will get better and that we will have her for a little while longer. That the Neurological issues she is facing will be found and be treatable for the time being. I hope that she will find an end to her pain or suffering, if in fact she in experiencing that. Let's hope that she did not stay here out of selfish desires, but rather that she still has a little more life to live and more things to accomplish, because to be quite honest, I am not ready to give up that beautiful smile. Will I ever be? Probably not. But if I am given the gift of more time, I will cherish it. But if I am not and she does go home soon, due to this Neurological Declination, then she leaves me knowing that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, who knows me and who hears me and answers my prayers!

After seeing her this morning awake and smiling, I have peace that she will overcome this illness whatever it maybe and be here for a while longer. Again I hope that it was not out of selfish desire that she stays, but rather that she still has a little more life to live and that it is lived with little pain and suffering, because I do not want her to experience that. But I know that if she does leave us soon, I will be forever grateful for the lesson I learned this day and the love I felt from my Heavenly Father. Let's hope we get answers as to why Payten is here and that Payten will get better and come home soon. And if it happens not, then we know that it was her turn to go home and I pray that when that time comes I will be ready and okay to handle it. Please pray for our Payten and for us. We love you all! We will keep you posted as to what is going on and we hope that you all have a Good Day!